tits on the radio

so here's a story in the life of amelia.
she now hates uv blue. amelia had never heard of uv blue before. then her roommates bought some. amelia dislikes koolaid and other things, like gatorade, that are brightly colored; she has an irrational fear of her stomach being dyed blue. don't ask her. but she drank some the other night in an unclear state of mind. it made her want to puke. luckily she didn't

the next night amelia was watching tv (the office marathon, or was it degrassi?) downstairs when she heard a major crash. apparentely the bottle fell from the fridge and broke three wine glasses and two plates drying on the counter below it. luckily the bottle didn't break and there was no blue vodka mess to be cleaned. liz and joe cleaned it up.
amelia thought nothing of it, went to her little bro's and then to the turf club.
the next morning as she walks from shower to bedroom, she steps on piece of glass and it goes into her foot. neither she nor her medical student roommate could get the glass out of her foot. so she went to boynton and the doctor could also not get it out of there because it was so small. she amelia was given a local anasthetic (I don't even know how to pronounce that word properly) so the doctor could "go in deep" and fish it out. It was "very tiny, so tiny that she used sound and feel to fish it out. then i got a tetanus shot.

so all in all, uv blue sucks! it makes you want to puke, breaks your cups and plates and sends you to the doctor. Shame on you! shame on you!

i love amelia's interesting changing of tenses and switches from first to third person.
after all, doesn't the bible do that to legitimize itself.