There's no such thing as an appropriate joke



So what's been new in the life of Amelia?

She's one broke ass bitch!
Looking for a job, but being very picky about it.
She dreams of making out with stephen colbert and enjoys beyonce very much!

Okay, So I'll do a tip of the hat and wag of the finger with my crush of the week.

Tip of the hat to

1) Hamil. Graham and I met him last night at a really ghetto bar, mortimer's. He's kinda awkward, but probably a great guy. He has a hot girlfriend and gay friend, and something weird on his teeth. but don't we all sometimes?

2)IKEA. what a great store, why haven't i been shopping there for years? I mean, it's so cheap. I was there once before and we spent hours there but bought nothing. With kaddy I just did the quick walk through, which is still long, and bought a lot of shit for 23 bucks. What I got was two non-stice frying pans, a bright pink candle set with four different kind of candles to match my new sheets, eight bowls and seven plates! omg

3) Bravo Burrito. What a killer burrito! no kididng. I should make buritos that are that fucking awesome! I went without cheese on mine since it was cheddar (ewwww!!) and twice they came out and asked me if I wanted sour cream! I'm no longer a vegan, but I really appreciated the concern!

4) my new jetta. well it's not new and it may not be mine forever. But it's mine for quite a while. It's part of the wholy DAD CRASHED MY CAR scandal that i've been dealing with now. basically right now I have my mom's old pimped out jetta. seriously, it's a purple painted, tinted, lowrider with a subwoofer that takes up half the trunk. not to mention it has a moonroof! AND it's a fivespeed. It's so nice to drive a stick again after having the toyota for the past year and a half.

Wag of the finger to

1) this god damn cold weather! fuck it's cold. like way cold

2) the varsity for their poor planning on everything in the world. i really wanted to go and see dance band but i couldn't.

3) Nochee and that stupid fucking painter motherfucker and frank zappa asshole they had. I mean, I already paid ten bucks to see some old, overrated pervert playing the trumpet. but the artist who performed during their concert was the worst of all. His art was all naked chicks or "really deep and symbolic" I mean, it had like stars of davids andcrosses next to each other on a tripped out background. Talk about a profound juxtaposition..........NOT

4) myspace. i rejoined and I think I need to requit. it's so lame and nothing like facebook. I like that everyone has the same profile in facebook. you can't put up annoying songs and wallpaper, you can easily search for your friends, send messages without saying yes like three times, you can't rank your friends, not everyone can see your profile, etc. it's lame as fuck. and i only have like three friends, one of which is the founder guy

And finally my crush of the week. I'd have to say the vute new pianist from my old roomie's band, sol spectre. he's young, talented as all fuck and sweet!


I'm so stressed out right now.

I need a new job.

I LOVE working at al's. It seems that I should do canvassing since I'm not qualified enough for a good serving job, don't wanna nanny in goddamn wayzata or excelsior or lakeville and won't quit my daytime job.

I want something easy with good cash like online surveys or selling my eggs, but both require way toomuch shit. I don't wanna take hormones to sell my eggs and all these online survey things either require a membership fee and sound iffy, or you have to register for something, like singles.net or blockbuster or something.

I applied for a job at the downtown luce, a job I think i am more than qualified for, but got nothing. I blew it on some other ones and am just plain lazy these days. I'm applying for teach for america and a fewother ones. I'm almost ready to be like jill and just work at al's.

I spend hours on careerbuilder and craigslist. and all the entry level things are full timeor in the suburbs. maybe i'm being too picky about this no suburb thing, but effin aye, i don't wanna commute to the burbs. I like biking, walking and busing to work!

that is the best place to work. Doug is pretty much the best boss ever. as are allison and jay. I get to work with jay all day on saturday, yeah! I can only hope to be like Doug someday, so laid back, happy and with a great attitude about work. but fuck, I can't,i'm pissed off and stubborn like my dad.

and he crashed my car and has NO social skills at all.


So wow, what have I been up to. let's do a tip of the hat, wag of the finger

A tip of the hat to

1) Tara. She's amazing. and we travel really well together! We went to chicago to see the king tut exhibit. But we blew it on tickets and none were available until the first of january. and we had to be back by then. so we went anyway. and had a blast. she's one of those makes-her-own-fun kind of type. I think it's a small town thing, where you have to do that shit to have fun. and we get along so amazingly well, we never quarreled or got sick of each other! we ended up getting snowed in chicago for new years and had a great time anyway. It was best when we pregamed and read peoples at cj's. the train ride was also amazing. and of course the exhibit was sold out on the first by the time we figured out we would be there. here's us at the bean

2) Mark, the audience coordinator of the Colbert Report. And zalex, the messiah guys, mackie and her dad. it's a long story and we should have been in there, but no, we were really fucked over. anyway, some guy was a real asshole about it, but mark was great! we took pictures with him and he gave us some posters. they say it's what lincoln would have watched and stephen is on top of a mountain with clouds at his feet and an eagle about to land on his arm. here's a pic of him with lynnea and I and one of Zalex and I.

3) Me. I graduated! here's a picture. And to anyone who came to my celebration! you guys are great

4) Wayne. we had a great time hanging out when sarina was in town. we went dancing, drinking, etc. and he's effin awesome! no pic. sorry.

5) Pawlenty. I know, this is shocking, but he's been taking a lot of heat because he wants to insure every child in minnesota. I guess he's no longer a conservative, at least according to the idiot kersten he's not. All these culture of life assfucks who want to be pro-life because children are precious and what not, but don't want the children to be in good health and also don't want to give their mothers any assistance, making it so children have no parental figures or insurance. Also, a small tip to arnold in california for a similiar proposal./ I can't say more since I know little about it.

6) Graham and defeathamil.net! We did it, we beat hamil. we got to use all seven letters on a triple word score! the word was HIPNESS. does it get any more hip than that? on tuesdays the revolution will be televised.

Wag of the finger to

1) My dad. So he fucked me over royally on this trip thrice. once in not coming back. then in taking one of my drivers and now trying to get out of paying for my new battery after he told he would. that fucker.

2) Minnesota and theire insanelt dumb alcohol laws. I'msorry to sound like a wino, but come the fuck on. It took going to chicago and then nyc to really realize how insane we are about drinking here in minnesota. in chicago liquor stores are open until late, bars until four, you can drink on the trains, in theatres, you can byob to restaurants, buy wine in grocery stores, etc. Same in new york, you can buy beer at the corner store, not get carded, drink all night long, etc.

3) global warming and terrorism. So I was in new york for a record high of 72 and a natural gas leak which was deemed a terrorist attack by some nutty rightwing fucks. and that motherfucker from the colbert report. I wanna kick his ass. not mark, he's awesome!

4) the empire state building. don't ever go there. please. it takes hours (literally) to get up there. on the way you are subjected to many advertisiments and attempts to get you to buy audio tours which pitched like "It only takes two minutes to see the view and you won't appreciate it if you don't know what you're looking at" then a photographer takes your photo, seriously, a real person even though I was half cut off, and they print out photos for you to buy on the way down, which is so incrediebly wasteful. I can't even believe it. the view is pretty sweet, though, and you're outside.

Highlight of each trip

Chicago, the el! by far. getting wasted on the el was so much fun. here are some encounters I had. Tara and I are walking through all the cars for fun. Some guy says "let me get that door for you, I'm fromrussia, we make trains...... I just got out of jail" then he collapsed on the floor and talked to someone else.
I'm trying to steal a tut poster. it's not working. a big black guy comes up to me, whips out a knife and gets the poster down for me. 1200 new years some people drink champagne with us and tara and I kiss on the train. I try to open the conductor door accidentely, he comes out and personally wishes us a happy new year. we run into some guys in a perfectly clean and crisp cubs uniform who is waiting the 69 days until game one. some guy is talking to us, a teacher, joking about how he sells crack to his students, i say you don't even know, drugs are bad.

New york. hard to tell, new york was fun, but nowhere near as awesome as chicago. Maybe the gorgeous day I spent in the park. or the tiffany exhibit. or the americans in paris that I missed in boston this summer. or walking around by myself in downtown. I love to do that. I've been to nyc thrice now since 9/11 and I still have no interest in seeing ground zero, is there something wrong with me?

and finally crush of the week. Matt, without a doubt. he stole me flowers and he's a criminal defense law student at william mitchell. could it be better than that? more on him later.....

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