There's no such thing as an appropriate joke


why i don't eat fast food

So I've been to fast food places three times in the past year. I'll explain all the different situations to you now. As a disclaimer, I am not counting subway as fastfood, i go there ever so often

Situation one) It was literally 111 degress outside. It was august 31, the "hottest day in ten years" according to the star tribune. (or maybe the next day, when i was at the eels concert was the hottest in ten years, I don't remember.) Anywho, Sam and Will had helped me move my shit, so I said that we would stop for food. We had some tard take our order and fuck it up three times. at least one of the times he fucked up it was in giving me back too much change. DAMN HIM

situation two) airport for six hours. only place in terminal other than bookstore with expensive chips and doritos. I had a bk veggie burger, and it was pretty good to be honest.

situation three) Thursday night. me is really drunk. with tara. just left turf club, funny stories there. we is hungry. so went to rainbow, but really just pushed each other around in carts and left without buying anything. so we went to mac donalds, and they would not serve us in the drive through. so we went to taco bell, same thing! what ass fucks! what the hell difference in the world would it possibly make. Plus that place is across the street from five bars! turf, big v's, applebees and two more on univerity, i forget their names! the outrage.

In other news, I was out with tara after KICKING ASS on my first midterm, the third to last test of my undergraduate career.
So at the turf club they were kinds dicks, too. they said we were too late to enter the drawing for a free trip to ireland, but the people ahead of us did. we were ided multiple times, we were about ten percent of the females, and there was the ouzo controversey.
But there was this lame looking band there, the buffalo killers, who looked like they hadn't seen a fashion magazine, barber or need to shave in ten years. And they were awkwardly standing in the bar hogging the pin ball machine. So this guy asked us if we wanted to meet them. yeah right. and I said no. and then he just walked away.

the best part of the turf was getting premium coasters, condoms that said "ALWAYS HARD, NEVER SOFT, 93X on them."

So I don't know how long I am supposed to be soaking my nose. I guess I'll go until my twelve cents worth of sea salt runs out. It's three weeks and the supply is still good!

last night I did Critical mass with jill and some other people. It was so much fun. the weather was perfect, the people all happy that it was so warm, and our reaction was almost completely positive. except for a few assholes. there were some major dorks, but generally it was really fun. if you don't know, it's just a bunch of bicyclists that bike through major roads and disobey stop lights, etc making a point that we want our streets, too. we did stop for the light rail. who doesn't love the light rail?

and don't worry, there was some bar action later in the night!

that's all for now. I need to go get dressed in my outfit. It is so dorky, I love it!


my weekend

what i did this weekend

After class Erin and I went to Olive Garden. It was soooooo much fun. Erin is a good excuse for doing lame things like going to Olive Garden instead of a good local place like Figlios. Anywho, it involoved a trip to Roseville, everyone's favorite suburb. Since we only had twenty minutes to drive from my house to Roseville, I lied and said that I knew where it was. I had an idea, but no clue. So we took 36 to Snelling. I said to go south towards St Paul, but as soon as it was too late, I realized I meant north towards the never ending suburbs. So we pulled a U, sped and made it there! It was north of the whole rosedale complex, near where 10 and 694 split. So I hadn't been to Olive Garden since high school with scott boch. Erin toldme about a never ending bowl of pasta that they had! OMG, what a deal, never ending pasta, bread, etc. It ended last week! I hadn't been to an OG in four years and I came the week after never ending pasta stopped!!!

then we watched Napoleon Dynamite, or napdyn as we called it. wow it was funny!!! hadn't seen it in forever. I'm so high, in the sky, like a kite.


Get up and go to the bodega! I did it! and bought candy skulls and decorations! then busted home to meet my mom
Then we hungout, met up with Sam and went to
THE MUSEUM OF RUSSIAN ART. man that place was cool. I am an art history major who has been living in minneapolis for four years, and had never been there. what a shame, because it was really, really cool!! The laquer shit was so cool.
Then to Luce in Uptown. I forgot my id and couldn't drink beer. good salad, though!
Then back to little mexico and to Savers. My mom bought my a five dollar coat. I HATE IT already. I didn't realize at the timehow big it was. It makes me look fat and it needs tailoring. I think I'll just buy myself a peacoat from Gap because I really don't like coats that make me look fat. Then I came home and passed out at ten on accounta I worked at six the next morning.
It was fun spending all that time with mom and bro, then!

NOTE, I am in class and this keyboard is really loud,fuck!

Saturday. I worked from 6-2. with the good crew,annie,rex,bridget,jill,alison. that was fun. we drank some tequila.danced to the scissor sisters, etc.

Then I went home and napped. then i did a bit of homework, then katie called me.
there was a hot buttered rum concert in Eau Claire and she wanted someone to go with her. so emily and i went with her. For those who don't know, HBR is a bluegrass band that I remember from 10KLF, and Eau Claire is a midsized town about an hour across the border. So because we were with Katie, she drove in her acura with a fancy ass navigation system. we ate dinner in the cute town of Hudson. had some chinese, ate,talked. drove to eau claire. we found the place easily enough. it was nice and cute. Because we were in Wisconsin,you could smoke in the bar and buy pitchers of Spotted Cow for NINE DOLLARS. so we danced and katie bought our beer and tickets.
and after the show we met the SUPER hot guitar player. and we hung out with him in the band'siodeisel bus drinking tequila. Speaking of which, I drank that friday night and Chris', sat at als, sat at EC and sun@ al's.
anywho, he said i was the best dressed woman in the audience. and i wanted to do himright then and there

Sunday, al's and homework

Monday, shopping, homework,deep frying.
Then Graham came over and put someshit on my computer. I guess it will make my life a little easier, basically now things that would take me about thirty seconds, now take me five seconds. I am so glad for him doing shit likethat. I am not tech savvy, as you know.and he freed up a lot of space in my computer by getting rid of shit like garage band and imovie.

then i removed my first friend from facebook.


blogger heavy

I am having a blogger heavy week.

let me tell you about the recent changes in my diet
things I now eat
1) Jose.

no, you pervert.
it's salsa and hashbrowns below poached eggs and cheddar cheese. and it's delicious! so yes, count cheese, eggs and salsa as things I now eat.

2) squash. I still dislike it, but now because I think it is bland, not so much disgusting

and, well, that's about it for that.
ciao, suckas!

p.s. one of my biggest pet peeves are smoking vegetarians. I don't know why most become vegetarians, animal rights or health issues I would assume. personally, I think it is unhealthy and wasteful eat meat, so I am a vegetarian.
I don't smoke. it's so gross, and how could i protect my body from growth hormones/drugs/shit from meat but then let 200 plus cancer thingies in my bodies.

I hate that I used to smoke and be a vegetarian. oh well, at least I looked cool.


A confession

I have a confession to make.... are you ready

I no longer read the onion. That's right!
I only read the av club part now.
Why is this? well, not to sound like a snob, but I used to read the onion before it was cool, back when it was really funny. Back when it was only available in Madisonand it was just totally hilarious.
I mean sometimes if I am at the bus or something i read it, but not very often.
Back in high school my family used to pay to have the onion delivered it was so funny. we all read it and enjoyed it. Now It is distributed freely around minneapolis and I rarely read it for the news part anymore. It's just not that great. the opinion thing is gone and there is a sports thing now..

well. now that you've recovered from that shocking piece of truth, let me tell you another confession. I am going to graduate from college having never had an eight am class. The earliest class I ever had was once a week at 905 spring semester of freshman year. Yeah. I rule. and i have four day weekends.

I get to do cool things like this with my weekend, spend friday at the MN history center with my mom, and then go shopping. and then on saturday go to the mia with don!


Urban dictionary

at work yesterday I spent a fair amount of time at urbandictionary.com

I was looking up hooping. I guess hoop is synonymous with asshole. did not know. and hooping can mean anal sex, sticking drugs up your ass or bringing shit into prison.

The best was when I came to the definition of my name.

1.)to have sex with blondes (blonde haired guys or girls)

2.) To perform the act of sexual bondage in a way in which some one has a longer errection because of the tightness of the bondage equipment. Generally this sexual bondage can just be self bondage but is generally donw ith two people bieng bonded on topp of ea
ch other sometiems by a third person. This type of bondage can never include blow jobs.

3.) To have consenual sexual bondage with hunters

Were you being amelia last night?

How was your game of amelia?

You did it with an amerlia?

I like that the second definition specifically excludes blowjobs. and the errors are to die for. and generally it's alone and generally it's with three people!

bonfire, beer, bootyhooping, boob-jazz.

can you ask for more?
well maybe

last night i met the infamour Lex that I have been hearing about for the past five months.

i also watched SNL on saturday, very unlike me. anyway, dane cook was the host, so not funny.


the wild, wild west

So everyday I cross the Mississippi River. Well five or seven days of the week. Or like this week, seven days in a row!
Usually it is by bike, but sometimes by foot ir bus.
Anywho I cross the river because all of my classes and my office are on the west bank. So to add a little excitement to going to work or class in the morning, I pretend to be entering the west. I am, after all entering the west. Unless you count the Missouri river as the west. Anywho, it's really pretty cool that everyday I get to accomplish this amazing feat! I mean, it was only two hundred years ago that we bought land west of the mississippi. And, I may be wrong about this, but I think it was only 200 years ago that Lewis and Clark made their infamous voyage west!


today it was the lowest I have ever seen it.

I actually saw some sandbar next to the support for the Washington ave. bridge.

going back to the east isn't at cool, but it usually means that I am done with work or school and I get to see a Frank Gehry that overlooks the river.


New Fucking Post

OMG, A new post.

what's new in the life of Amelia.
This is new. She can drink a quarter bottle of tequila and not get drunk, but three beers knock her out.
On friday I drank Lakefront beer for the first time. I bought it simply because it was $7 for Organic ESB (my fav beer), and then on saturday I met the owners/managers at Al's. apparently there was a midwest beer conference in minneapolis this weekend.
And I've read three Agatha Christie novels in the past two weeks. I've got a real problem, I just like cheap mystery books I guess.. Especially when I should be reading up on the representations of Alexander the Great for my term paper in Greek Art and Archeology.
I am so glad that my girl crush, Tara, is in that class. We do the crossword, write notes and admire the hottie with nice arms! talk about a gun show!

I think that I have been rubbing Andrew the wrong way lately. Like last night we went to Downtime for free shit on accounta it was a dry run (free top shelf liquor, and not to advertise for them, but they have happy hour from 12-7 and 11-close, with $2 taps (stella artois, blue moon, new castle and some shit one) and $1 Tall PBRs.) wow, huh.
Anyway, all of a sudden Andrew and I have both been thrown into this new social group. Me from Jill and Liz etc, and him from living there and being gay and having hilary love the shit out of him. and who doesn't love the shit out of andrew. but he's been cold towards me, his best friend. maybe he's doing what I did last year. but I don't know. or maybe i'm just imagining this. He does still call me sometimes. but not for free food and drinks at Downtime! and I offered him a free drink of mine from the dinkytowner where they have free drinks for ladies on mondays!

Oh and this is the biggest shocker of my social group, Dylan is engaged. I'm pretty sure he doesn't read this and no one does, so I am going to publicly denounce this engagement. Especially when the reasoning was "well, we've been dating for two years."
nuff said!

On friday I went to the dinkytowner for breakfast, Elaine Pagels, watched the twins game and flew a kite with Don. It was really a great time. Then I went to a prty at fourteenth and talmadge.

So to stop from rambling on, here's this week's awards

Crush of the Week
Nile! He's so cute and sweet, and oh so gay! And his boyfriend, zac is also all of those things. Niles just wants to dance with me, and what more could I ask for. besides the obvious.

Tip of the Hat
1) Sarah! She threw a kick ass party at our house on Tuesday. I didn't think so many people would come on a school night and when it was lightly raining. Here's some things the party had to boast: the presence of katie, a homemade chocolate cake with mocha frosting that I made, a homemade chex miz, some chips and candy megan brought, a keg of Bell's two hearted (what good beer!!!!!!), a good turnout, a bonfire and hooping when the rain stopped, good music, dancing, etc

2) Graham! He gave me lots of tequila, bought me Sebastian Joe's, went to the lakes to Hoop with me, made me guacamole, and let me sleep at his place this weekend!

3) can't think now. more later......



I'll give you something more cheery to look at. The death of Mickey has just overhwlemed me lately. I can't believe how sad I am about it. It's good, though. After my rather calloused to manney's death and mike's death (less so) and germain's death, I needed some reassurance that I can mourn properly.

Or maybe I can't, since our funeral turned into scotch drinking and uncalled for Simpsons quoting. Mom needs witty kids around, because whenever it's a family thing and that awkward silence hits in, she spews off like ten simpsons quotes in a row. well maybe not ten, and it's not so awkward, but she did at the funeral.

Good thing I have such awesome friends here in Minneapolis. I have had an extremely busy social life. Just like all summer, it just never stops.
Tonight we are having a birthday party for Dane. It will coincide with the first Talking Heads Dance Party local convention and the Minnesote Urban Hoopers group! feel free to come on over.

On another note, our upstairs neighbors are LAME. really lame. one, nick, isn't so bad. but still. So we don't have a router. or we have a non-working one, and we asked the boys if they wanted to share the internet with us, and they said no. why? because we would slow down their downloading? Which is so not true because we don't download, just facebook and e mail and shit. And it would be cheaper for everyone if we shared internet. fuck them up their lame asses. Not to mention, they're unfriendly and boring.

On another note, being a TA is great!

AND I'M GRADUATING DECEMBER TENTH!!!! AwwwwAwwwAwwwweesoooooooooooome!

So this weekend we went to a gellery opening over in north east, and it was cool.
I can see why the northeast is considered so cool. After all, it is home to Nye's, the Best Bar in America. And you can't beat that! Now can you.

Plus it was good to get out and go to a gallery opening. I have only just begun to get seriously immersed in the Minneapolis Art scene. and by seriously immersed, I mean seeing some shit. But I had a mini O when I saw the psychadelic fabrics at the MIA this weekend. OMG!!!!!

Oh, any my crush of the week has to be rollin! He's so cute, sweet, cuddly, domestic, sorta buff, hot, artsy and great. He's one of those people that you just love as soon as you see them. On friday he sat on my lap on the rocking chair, which was super awesome. He was super cuddly and nice, then he brought us all back to his house for food. on accounta I don't eat meat, he made two sauces for the noodles, and was generally a great guy to be around. I really like him.

Rollin is part of this group of friends that I've suddenly been thrown into. It's people that I have known forever. it's like they all just merged, or I'm an idiot. I have no idea. but i like this new group. unlike my friends who only have one goal in a night, these people are more fun.

And emily is my tightest friend right now. she's awesome, just let me say.

Am I going to start hooking up with Jake again? I can't tell. I want to and I don't. I want to because he's hot and I'm horny, but I don't because that was two years ago.

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